This one's for you

This one's for you. Flowers, chocolates, or whatever for your anniversary. But what really matter is that you still have each other after all the flaws. Sometimes I feel like people are forgetting the meaning of love or what it really feels. Or people tend to just be contented with what their partners can give.

It sad that saying I love you is just like saying Hi or Hello now a days. Love is not just a word you say. If you say I love you, it means you mean it. If not, just don't bother please. Makes everything complicated. Or you don't really mean it then just let her have the freedom and let her find the true meaning of love.

This one's for you. Give her the love she deserves or give her the freedom to find the love she deserves. It is as easy as that. But if you do love her then show her how your love can make her breathless and contented.

Make Believe

Make believe that this love is for real. I really want to believe that it is real. He let me see only the good side this love can offer. I am not that naive to know that there is that strong possibility that this love will not last as I hope it will. But why do I still trust him when he says "I love you, only you"? I have been making mistakes for about 5 years now. But to make believe that everything is going to be okay is what I am still willing to do. My sister said that if I still want to settle down and get married, find a guy who is single. I just hope that it is that easy to find. Of course I still want a wedding ring on my finger (found out about this dream just a few years back). And I will be very happy if this dream would come true in the near future. Looking back, make believe is one of my constant response when I fall in love. But this is the only time that my lover makes me believe in love without any doubts or confusion that I should be feeling. Make believe that this love is for real. Convince my doubtful mind that there is this guy that wants me to be with him the rest of his life. That all of these feelings are not just make believe.Believe that one day my luv will put a ring on my finger and start my happy ending.

It's an Invisible Wall

I've thought about something while listening to a song from Julia Fordham. It's an invisible wall, Julia said. Then I heard my own thoughts saying... People say that it's easy to fall in love. But why is it hard when you're already there? And why is it so impossible for two people in love to have a seamless relationship? So many questions running around my head right now. Still no answers but more questions are popping out endlessly.
Someone close to me said, " Don't be a good girl anymore, we're way passed that for years now". Thinking about it, I know she's right. Deep down I feel tired of being someone who is  just accepting and not asking for more. And I know I deserve more. This in return results to an invisible wall that's building between us. It's slowly tearing us apart.
Another thought... "What if I just simply walk away from you and never turn my back again? Be the bad girl and never explain why and just walk away. It's this invisible wall building up that's making me think this way. If only I could just scream at you and tell you that I want you, I want more of your time, your love, and everything more than you think I need. But can you understand me at all? 

Hearts Never Forget

They say hearts never forget, that whatever it is you're feeling, it all just stays there. Nothing can change when the heart speaks. Sometimes it very frustrating to understand why things so simple may sometimes feels like so complicated. Hahaha, I don't even know if I make sense at all. Some things are just too sensitive to be talked about. And without you knowing it, you can hurt people just by letting them know the truth. So some words are be better left unsaid than causing pain to those people you love. Nights, days, weeks have passed by so quick that you can't even find the time to listen to your own thoughts. And if you will have the chance to do it, words are just not enough to think or even write about it. As my mentor would say, "Just go with the flow...". This is what I am doing right now. And I will just wait what will happen tomorrow. Hearts never forget, but in my heart, I know I will choose the one who will love me more than I can love him.

Another Chance of Happiness

Another chance of happiness is what makes me go on these days. I have so many things on my mind right now. I want to write every word, every sentence written inside my head. I just don't know exactly how or where to start. For a month or so my life is hanging like I feel it's going to end anytime soon. I cannot explain even to myself why I feel this way. I just hope I am wrong. 

Love caught me at the right time in my life when I feel there is no one out there for me. Sometimes God surprises you in ways you can't imagine. I was surprised myself. I would like to say that I am okay now. But still it's not easy to believe just like that. I am just keeping my fingers crossed till I can be real sure that finally love finds its way to me. What the heck, I thank God I am happy now and I don't want any negative thoughts that will ruin my chance to love again. If this is fate, then so be it. Another chance of happiness? Why not?

"Some Points To Ponder"

I have put together some of the quotes, or sayings that touches my heart and soul. I am hoping that somehow some will also learn from what I call some points to ponder. Some came from the book that I'm reading now, The Power of Now. And some from somewhere I heard but still made a real impact in my life. I just hope it will help you think about life more positively like I do now.

- The mind always seeks to deny the "NOW" and to escape from it.

- If you find your "HERE" and "NOW" intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options:

1. Remove yourself from the situation

2. Change it

3. Accept it totally

- Resist Nothing

- Everything is okay as it is

- I chose to be free and live my life all over again... I choose freedom from my past.

- I will succeed and I will not fail.

- The only thing that is ultimately real about your journey is the step you are taking at this moment.

Your outer journey may contain a million steps; your inner journey only has one: The step you are taking right "NOW".

- The moment you truly forgive, you have reclaimed your power from the mind.

   Forgiveness is to offer no resistance to life- to allow life to live through you.

- I have all it takes to succeed. My "NOW" is my past, present, and future.

I have been trying to follow these things for about 4 months now. I am happy to say that it really feels great. I'm facing a lot right now, but never have I been worried at all. There things you cannot change overnight. But you still need to have some space for your improvement. I t will not hurt if you try and see for yourself what beauty lies beneath your troubled world.

I am still in the forgiving process. It's probably one of the hardest thing one can do especially if you were terribly hurt by someone you love so deeply. I know deep inside I can do it. But for now, I am still in the processing stage so good luck to me.

http://blip.fm/profile/Maridol34/blip/70116159/Shania+Twain%E2%80%93My+Music+Media+Collection+Series

"Finding My Way Back To You"

My Music 

There are things I wanted to say, leading, and eventually finding my way back to you. I just sometimes feel like it will never be enough. Somehow I know that all my efforts will just be useless if I know that it will only be me. Now, tell me, am I not worthy to get your love back? Or are you too proud to even say that you still love me like you do back then? It is really confusing how  a love like ours that was so strong can passed us by just as quickly as the water running into the ocean.
Looking back, I have no regrets that I have loved you more than I have loved anyone. I know deep in my heart that the love that we have found will not fade in time. So, until the time we do find each other again, I am going to be where you have left me behind. I will still be here to welcome you back into my arms. And until that time, my love will keep the two of us alive.You have my word that the road that I will travel from this moment on will surely be finding my way back to you.

"Love Someone Then Set Him Free"

They say that if you love someone then set him free. If he comes back then he is yours. It made me think now that the person you love is someone you should own then? As a human being, we are privileged to have the freedom to decide what we want to do with our lives. Being in love with a person sometimes makes you feel like he owns you or vise versa. You get to this point in your life when you will need all the security you can get just to make sure it will last. We tend to forget that a couple also consists of not just one but two people. We find time to make our relationships last but we failed to grow as individuals.This is something I am guilty of. 
You can set someone free even if you are still in a relationship. You must let go once in a while and let each other see what is there outside your tight embraces. Then after that, have the time to listen to each other's adventures. I have found this very exciting. You sit or lie so close then listen to every stories you had experienced or places you have seen. This is one fun way of knowing each other but still find the time to see the world. You laugh at each others jokes and stories. This is something you will surely cherish and remember for the rest of your lives.Security of knowing that he loves you will help you realize that you don't need to be with him for 365 days a year. There will be times when the two of you will be needing to go out and spend time with friends and other people you care about. Open one window or two in your relationship to make it more lasting. So,go ahead, love someone then set him free.

"Secrets Revealed"

We often hear from a lot of people that secrets are revealed in due time. Well, now I can actually say that this is definitely true. You say you love a person deeply but still you still need to hide secrets from them. I cannot understand this at all. You cannot love a person then lie all at the same time. It just doesn't make sense. If you love a person as much as you say you do, learn to take the risk of revealing the real you. That way you will not get used to only giving the one you love only a small part of you. To be fully loved, you need to make sure that that person will have the chance to fully love you. This will not be achieved if you will not bare your soul to that person. You cannot expect a person to love you more than you are willing to give back.

The irony of secrets revealed is that you may never trust that person ever again. I was not prepared at all with this kind of feeling. But I guess I need to go through with it just to make some unanswered questions from my past will finally have some answers. I can now without a doubt say to myself that I am right all along. That what I have decided then was just not  something that I have needed to do, but it was definitely the right decision for me and my loved ones. I have left my old ME together with the people I've once loved and trust. Looking back, I can only feel pity but with no regrets at all. 

It only takes just a small object or a simple word for a person to realize a lot of big things in life. I have learned the hard way and I am happy I did. It made me become aware of who I am and what I am made of. I am a woman that can honestly say that I am real inside and out. That I am a woman who will continue and will never get tired of loving and be loved in return. I am now happy that finally every doubts and confusions I may have had are  completely clear to me now. Secrets revealed is the answer after all.  

It's Because Of You

I've almost gave up on forever, but you let me see the joy of getting old together.

I've almost gave up on love, but then I met you.

I've almost gave up on life, but you gave me the courage not to.

I've almost gave up on trust, but you gave me reasons why I can't.

I've almost gave up on faith, but you hold my hand thanking God for us.

I've almost gave up on us, but you let me see a rainbow behind those dark clouds.

So you see now why I can never give up?

It's because of you, the only person who doesn't know the meaning of giving up.

I thank God everyday for I have you with me.

Our love is not a choice we have made.

It's a gift that we get only once in our lifetime.

The Security Of Loving

I found myself staring at a lighted candle while drinking my coffee. Questions came into my mind at that instant. "Is my life like that of a candle?" "Am I slowly melting down as I age?" "Am I like the wick on the candle that as minutes go by, the flame is getting big as it slowly melts down?" So many questions flashed like all these are waiting urgently for my answers. I have so many questions on my mind since the separation and since finding the chance to write about my life. I just hope through my writings I can find the answers I am looking for.
I've come to a stage in my life when there is the urgency to change the path I'm crossing just to make sure I have not left something far behind. My sister says a lot of times that the security of loving remains my priority till now. I guess she is right after all. I cannot go on and take the risks I am doing now if I am not in a relationship. Somehow, it has been my inspiration all along. The security that I have someone is more important to me than that the security of money and a successful career can give. It is really far more fulfilling to achieve whatever I want if I can share it with the man I love.
I'm still trying out to know what I want to do with my life as of now. I'm not even sure if I can achieve everything that I want out of life with so little time left. But, somehow, it also helps to know that struggling to fit into my "new world" will also bring me the happiness of knowing the "real" me. I am not really wishing for so much. I'm just hoping and wishing that I have finally found that person who would want to be a part of my life till the end of my days. And that at the end of the day, he will be that person who will look me in the eyes and will say, "We will get through all of these together..."

The Pain Of Looking Back

We try to let go of the past and try to move on hoping that somewhere along the way, someone will come and rescue us from where we are. But the truth is we tend to fake it and let yourself believe that at last you've found the love you have been waiting for all this time. But you're just fooling yourself that this is possible. Nobody can erase and heal your wounded heart but only you yourself.
I have learned that before you can open your heart and love again, you need to get through the pain of looking back and see how, where, and what exactly made you get to that part. like in surgeries, you need to see deep into the patient's body to see the root cause of the disease. In a failed relationship, you need to look back and remember all the good and bad times that you and your ex partner have been through. If possible, write down all the good  and the bad that you can recall. Then look back to the last time you've argued. You will see from there why it all ended the way it was.
Now, start letting go of what happened between the two of you. You can see for yourself that everything's all in the past and nothing can ever change that. It doesn't matter any more who's fault it was. What matters now is that you can now clearly see the reason why it didn't last like you knew it would. Take the time to start your life putting all of your past behind. It is a lesson you should never forget. No need to be scared any more if you happened to start loving another person again. I can't promise you that the next time won't have its flaws. Just make sure don't make the same mistakes you had then. 
I believe that love is always at our doorsteps. You just need to work it out to make that love last. Dreaming and loving are just the same. You need to spend extra time and energy to make it come true and last at the same time. Your heartaches and failures are not  hindrances to reach your goal of being happy. Instead, make them your inspiration to grow and love some more. As what they say, it is more fulfilling to have loved than not to have loved at all. 

"Sending Messages of Love"

I'm really amazed with what love would do just to make you whole again. Just a simple IM(instant message) from a distant lover will certainly make your day complete. Sometimes love comes to you when you really least expect it to come. Sending of love messages such as "I miss you so much." or just a simple "I love you" on the internet will surely make your heart pound so fast like it's going to burst anytime. We think so much of what the future would bring. We often forget what we have right now. And what simple things can do. It amazes me somehow that these little sending of love messages is just what i need to help me get through the day. A lot of people feel the need to be with their partners. And ofcourse I also feel that way. But for now, I will cherish every message, every lines, this internet's giving me. For now, just for now, sending messages of love and receiving it surely makes my waiting worth the while.

"Laughter as Best Medicine"

I went home just a couple of minutes ago after watching a movie with mama, and my daughter Louise. While watching "Kimmy Dora", and laughing till my throat hurt, I started thinking. I am happy right now. Then I started laughing again till the movie ended. Lesson??? I could say that I'm really happy and in love right now. And I am for the last 2 months. I am proud of what I feel now. They say that "laughter is the best medicine". But to me, "Love is the best medicine". I know a lot of readers will say that I'm just mushy or feeling that I'm in love with love right now. They can say that as much as they want. But I know deep inside of me that "Yes I'm in love, happy and proud to be in this stage of my life".