Monday, July 19, 2010

The Security Of Loving

I found myself staring at a lighted candle while drinking my coffee. Questions came into my mind at that instant. "Is my life like that of a candle?" "Am I slowly melting down as I age?" "Am I like the wick on the candle that as minutes go by, the flame is getting big as it slowly melts down?" So many questions flashed like all these are waiting urgently for my answers. I have so many questions on my mind since the separation and since finding the chance to write about my life. I just hope through my writings I can find the answers I am looking for.
I've come to a stage in my life when there is the urgency to change the path I'm crossing just to make sure I have not left something far behind. My sister says a lot of times that the security of loving remains my priority till now. I guess she is right after all. I cannot go on and take the risks I am doing now if I am not in a relationship. Somehow, it has been my inspiration all along. The security that I have someone is more important to me than that the security of money and a successful career can give. It is really far more fulfilling to achieve whatever I want if I can share it with the man I love.
I'm still trying out to know what I want to do with my life as of now. I'm not even sure if I can achieve everything that I want out of life with so little time left. But, somehow, it also helps to know that struggling to fit into my "new world" will also bring me the happiness of knowing the "real" me. I am not really wishing for so much. I'm just hoping and wishing that I have finally found that person who would want to be a part of my life till the end of my days. And that at the end of the day, he will be that person who will look me in the eyes and will say, "We will get through all of these together..."

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