A friend told me last night that I am still acting and thinking like a child. That I should change because it's not good for me. This made me think the whole afternoon. Do I need to change? And if I do, will I be happy with the result?
I told him that I was lucky growing up with people spoiling me by giving me my needs to feel contentment. And now I still get this from every person that I meet. I don't demand them to do it. But they do it anyway. So, is it my fault that I am being pampered this way?
He promised me that he would be with me all the way. That I could spend my remaining days, months, years with him. Is it wrong that I believe him? And if I am really thinking like a child, will it affect my relationship with him?
I don't really have the answers to my questions as of now. What i know now is I am happy that I feel this way with someone special. That because of this I am willing to let fate do the job. I do agree that I am still thinking like a child. I am happy just the way I am.
My life back then only evolves around him. I don't make plans at all. I only know that whatever my future brings, he will be there with me. Then this inevitable happened. Looking back after 5 years without him, who would have thought I will be thinking this way. I am now at the other side that I never knew I would face. I had a dream back then to be with that one person to grow old with. Now, will I take that dream away from that woman as that one person did with me? I don't think that's fair. I went through hell with that feeling. Why would I let someone feel the same way I did?
I've spent my morning today just like the other days for the past couple of months. My right hand holding a cup of freshly brewed coffee and my left hand holding a cigarette. The only difference now is that I didn't go to sleep again even if I've only slept for an hour. Reason? It's the same reason I have for a few weeks now. I'm torn between doing the right thing for me and doing the right thing for the people around me. I cannot argue with the fact that I am in love right now. I am afraid of what the outcome will be. But I know whatever it is that will come my way, I know i can handle it just fine. I'm just hoping that I will not hurt my loved ones along the way. That I cannot handle. But what I feel right now is just too strong for me to take for granted. I'm just praying that everything will be according to His plans. And that whatever will come out after this, all would be for the better.
