I found myself staring at a lighted candle while drinking my coffee. Questions came into my mind at that instant. "Is my life like that of a candle?" "Am I slowly melting down as I age?" "Am I like the wick on the candle that as minutes go by, the flame is getting big as it slowly melts down?" So many questions flashed like all these are waiting urgently for my answers. I have so many questions on my mind since the separation and since finding the chance to write about my life. I just hope through my writings I can find the answers I am looking for.
I've come to a stage in my life when there is the urgency to change the path I'm crossing just to make sure I have not left something far behind. My sister says a lot of times that the security of loving remains my priority till now. I guess she is right after all. I cannot go on and take the risks I am doing now if I am not in a relationship. Somehow, it has been my inspiration all along. The security that I have someone is more important to me than that the security of money and a successful career can give. It is really far more fulfilling to achieve whatever I want if I can share it with the man I love.
I'm still trying out to know what I want to do with my life as of now. I'm not even sure if I can achieve everything that I want out of life with so little time left. But, somehow, it also helps to know that struggling to fit into my "new world" will also bring me the happiness of knowing the "real" me. I am not really wishing for so much. I'm just hoping and wishing that I have finally found that person who would want to be a part of my life till the end of my days. And that at the end of the day, he will be that person who will look me in the eyes and will say, "We will get through all of these together..."
We try to let go of the past and try to move on hoping that somewhere along the way, someone will come and rescue us from where we are. But the truth is we tend to fake it and let yourself believe that at last you've found the love you have been waiting for all this time. But you're just fooling yourself that this is possible. Nobody can erase and heal your wounded heart but only you yourself.
I have learned that before you can open your heart and love again, you need to get through the pain of looking back and see how, where, and what exactly made you get to that part. like in surgeries, you need to see deep into the patient's body to see the root cause of the disease. In a failed relationship, you need to look back and remember all the good and bad times that you and your ex partner have been through. If possible, write down all the good and the bad that you can recall. Then look back to the last time you've argued. You will see from there why it all ended the way it was.
Now, start letting go of what happened between the two of you. You can see for yourself that everything's all in the past and nothing can ever change that. It doesn't matter any more who's fault it was. What matters now is that you can now clearly see the reason why it didn't last like you knew it would. Take the time to start your life putting all of your past behind. It is a lesson you should never forget. No need to be scared any more if you happened to start loving another person again. I can't promise you that the next time won't have its flaws. Just make sure don't make the same mistakes you had then.
I believe that love is always at our doorsteps. You just need to work it out to make that love last. Dreaming and loving are just the same. You need to spend extra time and energy to make it come true and last at the same time. Your heartaches and failures are not hindrances to reach your goal of being happy. Instead, make them your inspiration to grow and love some more. As what they say, it is more fulfilling to have loved than not to have loved at all.
I found myself staring at a lighted candle while drinking my coffee. Questions came into my mind at that instant. "Is my life like that of a candle?" "Am I slowly melting down as I age?" "Am I like the wick on the candle that as minutes go by, the flame is getting big as it slowly melts down?" So many questions flashed like all these are waiting urgently for my answers. I have so many questions on my mind since the separation and since finding the chance to write about my life. I just hope through my writings I can find the answers I am looking for.
