This one's for you

This one's for you. Flowers, chocolates, or whatever for your anniversary. But what really matter is that you still have each other after all the flaws. Sometimes I feel like people are forgetting the meaning of love or what it really feels. Or people tend to just be contented with what their partners can give.

It sad that saying I love you is just like saying Hi or Hello now a days. Love is not just a word you say. If you say I love you, it means you mean it. If not, just don't bother please. Makes everything complicated. Or you don't really mean it then just let her have the freedom and let her find the true meaning of love.

This one's for you. Give her the love she deserves or give her the freedom to find the love she deserves. It is as easy as that. But if you do love her then show her how your love can make her breathless and contented.

Thinking like a child

A friend told me last night that I am still acting and thinking like a child. That I should change because it's not good for me. This made me think the whole afternoon. Do I need to change? And if I do, will I be happy with the result? 
I told him that I was lucky growing up with people spoiling me by giving me my needs to feel contentment. And now I still get this from every person that I meet. I don't demand them to do it. But they do it anyway. So, is it my fault that I am being pampered this way? 
He promised me that he would be with me all the way. That I could spend my remaining days, months, years with him. Is it wrong that I believe him? And if I am really thinking like a child, will it affect my relationship with him? 
I don't really have the answers to my questions as of now. What i know now is I am happy that I feel this way with someone special. That because of this I am willing to let fate do the job. I do agree that I am still thinking like a child. I am happy just the way I am.

My Life

My life back then only evolves around him. I don't make plans at all. I only know that whatever my future brings, he will be there with me. Then this inevitable happened. Looking back after 5 years without him, who would have thought I will be thinking this way. I am now at the other side that I never knew I would face. I had a dream back then to be with that one person to grow old with. Now, will I take that dream away from that woman as that one person did with me?  I don't think that's fair. I went through hell with that feeling. Why would I let someone feel the same way I did?

Make Believe

Make believe that this love is for real. I really want to believe that it is real. He let me see only the good side this love can offer. I am not that naive to know that there is that strong possibility that this love will not last as I hope it will. But why do I still trust him when he says "I love you, only you"? I have been making mistakes for about 5 years now. But to make believe that everything is going to be okay is what I am still willing to do. My sister said that if I still want to settle down and get married, find a guy who is single. I just hope that it is that easy to find. Of course I still want a wedding ring on my finger (found out about this dream just a few years back). And I will be very happy if this dream would come true in the near future. Looking back, make believe is one of my constant response when I fall in love. But this is the only time that my lover makes me believe in love without any doubts or confusion that I should be feeling. Make believe that this love is for real. Convince my doubtful mind that there is this guy that wants me to be with him the rest of his life. That all of these feelings are not just make believe.Believe that one day my luv will put a ring on my finger and start my happy ending.

Just like this

I want you near me, just like this...
I want you to look at me so tenderly, just like this...
I want you softly kissing me, just like this...
I want you here with your body next to mine, just like this...

I know you can see from the way my eyes glow when our eyes would meet.
Can you even tell that I love you? And I want everything just like this?
Yes, just like this and I will not ask more from you...

It's an Invisible Wall

I've thought about something while listening to a song from Julia Fordham. It's an invisible wall, Julia said. Then I heard my own thoughts saying... People say that it's easy to fall in love. But why is it hard when you're already there? And why is it so impossible for two people in love to have a seamless relationship? So many questions running around my head right now. Still no answers but more questions are popping out endlessly.
Someone close to me said, " Don't be a good girl anymore, we're way passed that for years now". Thinking about it, I know she's right. Deep down I feel tired of being someone who is  just accepting and not asking for more. And I know I deserve more. This in return results to an invisible wall that's building between us. It's slowly tearing us apart.
Another thought... "What if I just simply walk away from you and never turn my back again? Be the bad girl and never explain why and just walk away. It's this invisible wall building up that's making me think this way. If only I could just scream at you and tell you that I want you, I want more of your time, your love, and everything more than you think I need. But can you understand me at all? 

Hearts Never Forget

They say hearts never forget, that whatever it is you're feeling, it all just stays there. Nothing can change when the heart speaks. Sometimes it very frustrating to understand why things so simple may sometimes feels like so complicated. Hahaha, I don't even know if I make sense at all. Some things are just too sensitive to be talked about. And without you knowing it, you can hurt people just by letting them know the truth. So some words are be better left unsaid than causing pain to those people you love. Nights, days, weeks have passed by so quick that you can't even find the time to listen to your own thoughts. And if you will have the chance to do it, words are just not enough to think or even write about it. As my mentor would say, "Just go with the flow...". This is what I am doing right now. And I will just wait what will happen tomorrow. Hearts never forget, but in my heart, I know I will choose the one who will love me more than I can love him.

Another Chance of Happiness

Another chance of happiness is what makes me go on these days. I have so many things on my mind right now. I want to write every word, every sentence written inside my head. I just don't know exactly how or where to start. For a month or so my life is hanging like I feel it's going to end anytime soon. I cannot explain even to myself why I feel this way. I just hope I am wrong. 

Love caught me at the right time in my life when I feel there is no one out there for me. Sometimes God surprises you in ways you can't imagine. I was surprised myself. I would like to say that I am okay now. But still it's not easy to believe just like that. I am just keeping my fingers crossed till I can be real sure that finally love finds its way to me. What the heck, I thank God I am happy now and I don't want any negative thoughts that will ruin my chance to love again. If this is fate, then so be it. Another chance of happiness? Why not?

My Day To Day

My day to day for the past three weeks is like finding myself all over again. My 1st day of training at work feels like going to 1st day of school. Half scared, half excited but still managed to finish everything with just one goal on my mind. I don't like grudges to dwell on my soul. But it helped me stand up and face alone my life with a little more confidence. I can't help wonder how people can judge me that easily when I have found out for myself that I am not that bad like someone think. Is it really about me being clingy to the people I love or is it their own insecurities that they're pointing my way? I may never know what or how they would react now. But honestly I don't care. I cry a lot, I admit. This is also my day to day now. But it doesn't mean I just make up all these things bothering me. I am just too comfortable with people I felt really cares for me. But now I can see. I am not blind anymore with their true colors. From now on I will love the people who are with me through my ups and downs. I will drop those people now in my life that made me feel like I am bad person. I will let them see my value in their lives but they will no longer be a part of my day to day.  

You Can Never Hide

They say that no matter what you do, you can never hide from what is destined to be. And that what's meant to be will always find its way. We tend to always question why things are the way they are. Then we begin to change some things in our lives so that we will not cross the same problems or trials again. Only to find out that unconsciously we are still being on that same path all over again.
I am trying to deny what I feel. I am hiding from the truth as I always do. When I know deep down inside that no matter what I do, you can never hide or run because what's meant to be will always find its way.  

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"Some Points To Ponder"

I have put together some of the quotes, or sayings that touches my heart and soul. I am hoping that somehow some will also learn from what I call some points to ponder. Some came from the book that I'm reading now, The Power of Now. And some from somewhere I heard but still made a real impact in my life. I just hope it will help you think about life more positively like I do now.

- The mind always seeks to deny the "NOW" and to escape from it.

- If you find your "HERE" and "NOW" intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options:

1. Remove yourself from the situation

2. Change it

3. Accept it totally

- Resist Nothing

- Everything is okay as it is

- I chose to be free and live my life all over again... I choose freedom from my past.

- I will succeed and I will not fail.

- The only thing that is ultimately real about your journey is the step you are taking at this moment.

Your outer journey may contain a million steps; your inner journey only has one: The step you are taking right "NOW".

- The moment you truly forgive, you have reclaimed your power from the mind.

   Forgiveness is to offer no resistance to life- to allow life to live through you.

- I have all it takes to succeed. My "NOW" is my past, present, and future.

I have been trying to follow these things for about 4 months now. I am happy to say that it really feels great. I'm facing a lot right now, but never have I been worried at all. There things you cannot change overnight. But you still need to have some space for your improvement. I t will not hurt if you try and see for yourself what beauty lies beneath your troubled world.

I am still in the forgiving process. It's probably one of the hardest thing one can do especially if you were terribly hurt by someone you love so deeply. I know deep inside I can do it. But for now, I am still in the processing stage so good luck to me.

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